Hello and thank you for stopping by my blog. This is the first one I have ever done and the first time I have ever spoken about my life so publicly. I have decided to do this to help process my emotions and to reach out to others. I also don’t want the worry of people knowing my identity.
I picked pictures of the sea because I feel like that inside. I have tons of experiences and emotions I have never gone through. And when it all comes crashing down at times- I drown in it. I have severe anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks, fear and more you will find out about. The only way I knew how to deal with my emotions was to stuff them down deep inside, hit myself or cut my own skin.
I just started seeing a counselor. I am nervous but I am also ready. I am ready to start this journey of revealing and recovering. I no longer want to feel like I am drowning.
May has been a bit hard for me with my personal birthday and lack of seeing my counselor/therapist. I have been having nightmares again. I also have been acting out my dreams lately, through physically raising up out of bed, shaking, jerking, and talking. That still hasn’t been addressed yet.
I have made a breakthrough in realizing, with the help of my therapist, that I have been severely spiritually abused. I celebrate my new found freedom and understanding of this in my blog, No Longer Silenced.
I got a huge promotion at work and haven’t really been committed to blogging as I was. I am no longer seeing the therapist because she left to take care of her family. And with my new job, I am so busy- I don’t have the time (at least that is what I tell myself).
I hate dealing with all the emotions inside and instead of airing them out I am going back to my old tendencies and bottling them up. I refreshed this blog by changing the theme which I now love. I also deleted some posts that just didn’t quite fit in with this blog and what I would like to accomplish.
I have been going back to counseling once I switched to a less demanding job. I think I have been going for just a couple weeks now. I also finally caved and went to the doctor. I have been diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), moderate major depression and general anxiety disorder. I try and blog once a week after my therapy sessions.