Getting to know someone new is always a bit of a slow process. Today was my 2nd appointment with my new therapist. It went so incredibly well. I feel so relaxed and things just kinda flow out of me. I think going to therapy has increased my happiness and decreased my depression. I have been depressed because I have felt alone. I don’t really have anyone to talk to day in and day out about my struggles because even the most faithful friend or family member doesn’t want to hear about my issues all the time. It’s like my dad has told me. He is so happy that he is finally getting to talk to “me” and not my problems or my anxiety triggers. I can understand that too about my friends. I felt like I was scraping out of a deeper and deeper hole when I had no one to talk to. I was scrambling to get a footing without a therapist to help me. Now that I have someone I can count on and depend on- my “fix” has been met. I still get very terrible migraines and headaches during and after an appointment. But I know that is to be expected. I also know that once an appointment is over- I need about a 2 hr nap if not more. I am not saying everything is perfect. I am still pretty tired actually. I am starting to feel a whole let better. 🙂
Out in the waiting room at my last appointment I hear someone talking to my therapist about how great she is and how sad they are to see her go. When I go into my appointment I ask her first off if it is true and she confirms it. Thankfully, when I found out it is not our last visit. I will be able to see her through the end of the month but still I bawled like a baby.
We are just starting to talk about one of the hardest issues for me and she is leaving. She then began to tell me that in just a couple months she will be back at another private location that costs money. Right now I my counseling is free due to the organization I go through. Once she leaves and if I decided to resume with her it will cost me $$ every week to see her and insurance coverage is a joke.
I have spoke with the hubby and we are deciding if we would like to do that or not. We don’t have much or make much. And we don’t have any other options that offer free counseling. The other woman at this organization isn’t taking on new clients.
When I started thinking about it- I don’t want to switch to another person. She is so good, and we have already been through so much. She understands me in a way that it would take someone new months to get. If I do choose to continue to see her after a month’s break- I will feel so guilty costing us money.
I am hoping that these last couple visits I will learn some tools to calm down and keep the nightmares away. They are starting to occur in the day when I am awake now- leaving me so mentally exhausted.