Do What You Love- Not What is Popular

Have you ever felt judged because of the lifestyle you choose? I don’t mean romantically or religiously- I mean academically or “lack there of”.

Getting a high school/GED is a MUST for most jobs now adays which is fine. But what about a college, graduate or doctoral level? Does anyone else feel pressured from society at times to just go directly to college after high school? I had no idea what I wanted to do in life and always struggled in school. (I have test anxiety and dyslexia- bad combo) So going to college just seemed like the “right thing” to do and “everyone else was doing it” too.

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I went for 2 years before I dropped out and thankfully I went to a smaller, less expensive school. Still to this day I do not have a desire to go back. I sometimes think I do because it would be fun to but the reality is after the first week- I would be over it. lol

I wish I wouldn’t of gone to college because it just wasted my time and money. If I did do any schooling I wish I would of gotten an Associate’s Degree in a field that I could of been working in all my 20s that would pay better than minimum wage.

When people ask my plans for the future- I feel like I have to defend why I chose this simple lifestyle. I feel like people have the wrong idea about it. There is a stereotype that comes along with wanting to be a farmer.

What do you think about when you hear the word farmer? Do you think of missing teeth, overalls, nasty spit cups, old men, iced tea and rocking chairs?

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Let me tell you what I think of when I hear someone is a farmer.

Someone who is: Hard working, patient, nurturing, loving, kind, compassionate, trustworthy, a great friend, willing to help, dedicated, persevering, honest, uncomplicated, straight forward, neighborly, provider, and the list goes on.

When you do something you love it is hard to try and explain that to someone else. What I might love and how it feels to me is different for you. You could love opening a brand new book, filling in a word puzzle, getting a coffee, writing poetry, lifting weights, getting a new sketch book or a new camera lens.

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I love watching a sunset after the work is done for the day. I love star gazing and the chill of the night. I love it when the animals come running to you when they hear the feed bucket rattle. I love dirty boots and hard work. I love big morning breakfasts, horse back riding, mucking out stalls, cutting and baling hay, growing my own garden and crops. I love hunting, fishing and shooting my guns and my bow. I love throwing on bootcut jeans and a t-shirt.

From now on I will do what pleases my God and myself with my life. I won’t do something just because everyone else is doing it. I will take the time to figure out exactly what I want to do and not rush into things. If you are in that place where you don’t know if you should go to college or not- just think about it. It is your life, no one can live it but you.

 

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Not Always So Nice

I have a horrible habit of not always being so nice. Cranky is UGLY on me. Sometimes it is what happens at work and I take it home or vice versa. I wish I could always have a positive attitude. I wish I didn’t always feel like I have to defend myself.

I really want to work on it and be more easy going. I really do. If I could just let things roll off my shoulder- it would be so much better. I can’t stand it when people don’t do their job and I have to pick up the slack. I hate sometimes living with my in-laws because of no privacy and daily interruptions. I hate waiting to see if my husband will be accepted to a master’s program. We have been waiting 4 years now.

We have talked about it and I know if he does get accepted our life will be blessed. I get that. But I am getting so tired of living with someone else, always waiting and not moving forward. I really really hope he gets accepted for next year because at the soonest that’s still 3 more years of waiting. I will be in my 30s by the time that finish date comes around IF it even is that he is accepted this year.

That will be 7-8 years we will be married and 6-7 of those we will have been living with someone, waiting. Which we have saved a lot of money. I had to undergo surgery last year- that is now paid off. And this year I got a much needed newer car which is also paid off. So we have already been blessed. He has a wonderful good paying job and I am trying to work my up the ladder at my workplace.

I know God has a plan for us. But I am so aggravated and that comes out other places I suppose. I am so tired of being woken up by squeaks and walking our bedroom ceiling (we live in the basement underneath the kitchen). I am so tired sometimes of just having to make conversation in the morning when sometimes I want to be left alone. We have been here 2 years already.

I try to remember all the blessings. But my husband and I got married quick because it was seemed like he was going to move to a different state and go to school that following spring or fall. And it was made out to me that he couldn’t have any “distractions” while in school. I loved him and I didn’t want to do long distance so we got married right before he graduated on Christmas break.

We agree now that we were a little too young but not that we shouldn’t of gotten married. I sound so very selfish but what kind of life is it to put your spouse through years of waiting? I will have wasted my whole entire 20s waiting on him to be able to go to school and then get through the 2 or 3 year program, find a job and then start our life. What about kids? I don’t want to pop them out like bang bang bang. We haven’t even had a honeymoon because we couldn’t afford it.

Like I said I know God has a plan for us and I am trying to trust him but I am failing miserably. I would of loved for him to have already been going to school and OUT this year. I really don’t want to think like I have been thinking because it’s not all about me. And my hubby has been waiting just as long, just as disappointed if not more that he is still not getting interviews to the schools he is applying to.

He did hear from a school this year, he made it past round 1 but there are 2 more rounds before they even consider to accept him. His school credits are going to expire within the next couple years, we don’t have too much time left. We have a plan B and it is a good one but he wants to wait until he can no longer apply to master’s school before he starts plan B. And plan B is still another 2 years of schooling just a different route.

I am about to rip all my hair out just talking about it! I would go to school but I didn’t finish college so I would have about 4 years to do and I don’t want to spend that much time to get a degree and then have babies, be on maternity leave so frequently, and then quit to stay at home to raise them. It doesn’t make sense. I looked at even 2 year degrees and I can’t. Not until we know if he is accepted or not because we might have to move to a different state.

I am so defeated. I am not a patient person anyways. Our life has been hanging into balance for years and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just see more years go by, wasted.